Hardest Thing

I'd say the hardest thing about being a Christian and the mother of a child with a chronic illness is the balance between faith and reality.

That balance between the faith of knowing that God has the power to change this circumstance and the reality that these are things we face and God gave this child to us, in the great moments and in the not so great ones.

We live in the reality that our daughter may one day have a seizure and never wake up, that she could end up with brain damage, she could wake up and never be the same person again.

We live with the reality that every day is a blessing and we should count it as such.

The reality that she may never be able to have a baby (even though she says she doesn't want children).

The reality that she will most likely be that independent teenager screaming at us because by law she cannot get her drivers license if she has uncontrolled seizures.

Yet as a Christian I have faith that God can cure her.

Faith that He can take this burden away.

That there is hope that Sophia will never have another seizure again.

That the "growing pains" of cerebral palsy will not affect her.

That she will grow up, go away to college, get married, and have a family of her own.

The faith that tells us God can... and the reality that this is our life.

I am not mad at God.

I wonder why.

I scream and ask him to let her be free from this.

But I am faithful, humbly accepting this that this was always God's plan for my
Sophia, that she is His Sophia too.

That while this is my plan B, it was never God's, He made her, created her to do great things.

My reality is to be the momma to this sweet girl.

To guide her through this life.

To hold her on the hard days and rejoice with her on the good days.

My reality is to be a strong, faithful, Christian momma to this child who God trusted me with.

"And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"