dream big

I just love this song and wanted to share the lyrics. Thanks Kati for turning me on to it, quite a while ago, such a happy song- check out my happy boy...

When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,

Cause better days are sure to come.

And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,

And don't let them know that they have won.

And when you walk, walk with pride,

And don't show the hurt inside,

Because the pain sill soon be gone.

And when you dream, dream big,

As big as the ocean, blue.

'Cause when you dream it might come true.

But when you dream, dream big.

And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,

'Cause it will carry all your cares away.

And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,

And it will help you feel okay.

And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,

But when the troubles come your way.

And when you dream, dream big,

As big as the ocean, blue.

'Cause when you dream it might come true.

But when you dream, dream big.

When you cry be sure to dry your eyes,

cause better days are sure to come.

And when you smile be sure to smile wide,

anddon't let them know that they have one.

And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud,

'Cause it will carry all your cares away.

And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,

and it will help you feel okay.

And when you pray,

pray for strength to help to carry on

when the troubles come your way.

Tony's Father's Day gift...

I said I'd share a picture and I forgot.. here it is. The left is the picture I took of the kids, the right is the drawing that David Smith did. He is so talented. And.. my new hair cut in the middle ;) Oh, check the beware of wife sign above my head! ;)

Choo Choo Soul

Have you ever seen the show 'Choo Choo Soul' on the Playhouse Disney?? I love that show! I love the music, the colors, you'd think I was a 3 year old child when that show comes on. (I guess if you'd seen it, it's not really a show, more like a music video type thing that comes on between the shows- anyway, you get it). This morning Sophi, Troy and I were laying on the couch in the living room watching TV. It was nice, it was one of the first times we were all there together and no one was screaming, pinching, fussing, or trying to get away. I have dreamt of mornings like this, where we are all together and quiet and happy... granted it didn't last more than a couple minutes but it felt like a dream! We were snuggled up under one of my knotted fleece blankets (more to come on those later). Sophia was sharing her Ellie with Troy (Ellie, is a pink elephant from Gund, that I got as a shower gift before Sophia was born and since birth she has loved her elephant, who after many name changes she now calls Ellie). Now, this in itself was a miracle because Ellie doesn't get shared with anyone- it's one of those special toys and it the one exception to the 'share' rule. It normally stays in Sophi's bed so that 'Bruder' doesn't get it.. but this morning she would hand it to Troy, he would snuggle with it, then he would hand it back to her.. they did this back and forth about six times. It was really cute.
Back to 'Choo Choo Soul'... it came on the television, and if you've seen it, it's impossible not to sing along to 'all aboard the choo choo train, all aboard the choo choo train, all aboard, all aboard...'
I was singing along, quite soulfully if I might add, and I guess I disrupted the peace because Troy started yelling, not crying, yelling 'AHHH...' and crawled right off the couch onto the floor... and Sophi took my face in her little hands and in the sweetest voice said 'it's ok honey, don't sing, let the girl on tv do that'. Her tone was the same as a mother talking to a child who just lost the potato sack race in 3rd grade (another story for another day). 'It's just not for you mommy', she said then let me face go and sat next to me rubbing my arm, like I needed to be consoled.
I almost died right there on the couch- so, I guess my soulful morning voice disrupted the peace of our quiet morning and my miracle was over. Now, they are playing around the house and Sophi brought Ellie to me because 'Bruder was trying to eat her' and I am getting my coffee and building up the courage to get these kids dressed.
Hope everyone has a happy weekend!

Hello Friends...

I wanted to share our joy of a normal EEG with you. Praise God for that. Sophia has had normal and abnormal EEGs... they aren't always accurate, especially with children under 4, but we are always hopeful and we will take a normal EEG over an abnormal one anytime. Praise God for that.
After the experience with the EEG tech and it being so difficult to get the EEG results I decided maybe to try out a new neurologist... not that anything is wrong with the neurologist we go too, in fact she is an excellent doctor- I just feel that the office isn't the best fit for our needs and the office isn't meeting our expectations. This isn't a one time only event, but we have been with this group and never really looked into getting a second opinion and I think it would be unfair to Sophia to not look into other options. So, July 10th we will be going to meet with a new doctor, see there office, get his opinion on what we have been through, are going through, and what to expect for the future. I am excited to get another doctor's perspective and I hope we will like her.
Troy went to the doctor today, he has been congested and cranky, I just wanted to get him checked out before the weekend, he gets bouts with ear infections and I wanted to take him for peace of mind. While we were there the doctor said he got Sophia's EEG results from the neurologist and he asked me if we had thought about having another neurologist look over her records- him saying this kinda' makes me nervous, but he reassured me he knew very little about neurology but just thought it might be a good idea, considering she continues to have 'unexplained seizures' - I have thought that was normal with epilepsy, for children to continue to have 'break through seizures' even with the aide of medication- we will see. Maybe there is something out there that will better work for her. I was happy to let him know we did have an appointment for a second opinion. Back to Troy, he was fine just stuffed up, no ear infections... hurray! They just make him so miserable. Poor Little Guy! He should be feeling better soon.
Sophia got to go over to her Nonnie's and play with her cousin Gavin today while I took Troy to the pediatrician. Sophia and Gavin are about a year apart... they are good buddies. I enjoy watching them play. Today they threw bouncy balls all over our patio. It was fun watching them be so happy- until of course the toddler bickering started... but they do enjoy one another, even their bickering can be funny to watch. Once, I heard Sophia tell Gavin if he didn't share with her, her mommy would put him in time out... Gavin looked at me like I was the meanest aunt in the whole world. Sophia and her threats! She can be such the pistol!
Well, I believe Troy is going to end this blog- he just woke up crying... more to come soon, good evening.
Our prayers were answered for this EEG, thank you for praying with us.

catching up

Sophia had the EEG, we haven't got the results back yet, I am going to call the neurologist this afternoon if they don't call me. I hate that about doctors. I understand that they have a ton of patients but each parent waits to hear the results of their child's test.

Sophia did great. She is so brave. It was so good that Lana went with me because Sophia was ready for a nap at 11, and the test wasn't until 2, Lana brought playdoh and sat in the back and played with her, kept her awake. Lana was great! Thanks sis!
We got to the doctor's office and a new technician came out and called Sophi's name. It was a creepy looking, but very nice man. Sophia looked scared, it not being one of the ladies. I smiled, grin and bare it, took her back and told her Mr. Armand was a prince... she wasn't buying it! I told her she was going to sleep in her princess bed and get to wear her crown... he told her "I am going to preform your EEG now, don't worry it doesn't hurt, now I am going to put glue in your hair and stick the electrodes onto your scalp..." GREAT BUDDY! Good going! She laid there and watched Dora while he got all the things on her head. Then he wrapped her head with gauze to keep the electrodes attached. I told her it was her crown.. he said "now I am going to wrap your head in a bandage"-AH! Come on people, she is two! It was so hard to watch her be so brave. Most times the EEG techs are women who play into the whole princess thing and really make her feel as comfortable as possible, but this guy, he just didn't get it! It was tough. I hate that she is so little and is expected to be so brave, but she meets every challenge head on and always exceeds our expectations. She is awesome. Mr. Armand turned off the light and told her "I will now preform the strobe test, and a bright light will flash in your eyes.." I told her we had to smile and the light was going to take our picture, it's not my first rodeo! I laid next to her while the light flashed in our eyes and I smiled and said cheese... she just laid there not smiling. Oh no, I was hoping she wouldn't get upset... when it was over he turned off all the other lights and told her it was time to go to sleep. I laid next to her and she rubbed my hair, I was trying to be there for her but she found comfort in holding me, comforting me. She is so sweet. She started to whimper and I asked her if she was scared, she said 'no mommy' I said do you want me to sing you a song 'no mommy'... we just laid there she never cried out loud but little tears rolled down her cheeks like little rivers. It broke my heart. I just prayed... God answered... she fell asleep quickly, they completed the test, took the electrodes off her head, and we left... she slept until we were outside of the office. Thank God that's over.
I didn't think it was necessary but next time I will request one of the other techs do her EEGs, Mr. Armand was great at his job, but not for a two year old little baby girl. On the way home we stopped and got ice cream. She loved that. We got home and picked up Troy from Nonnie's house (he slept almost the whole time we were gone) Thanks Nonnie for keeping our boy. Then she got a shower and we washed all the wax out of her hair. I hate that sticky stuff.
When I put her to bed that night I was so glad the day was over.
Since, we have just been hanging out at the house. Yesterday we didn't do anything- it was great! Today we are hanging out at the house and going to Target in a bit, the kids are napping, when they get up we'll go. Troy needs new bottles... should be a fun outing, I think Nonnie is going to come with us. Tony starts college tonight, he wants to go back for his AA.. he has taken a few classes off and on but he really seems ambitious about it this time. Good Luck!
I just want to thank everyone who has read and prayed and loved our children with us. Thank you. You are so appreciated. If you have any prayer needs please let me know.. I'd love to pray with you. If you don't want to post your prayer needs publicly you can always email me at tonyhollymartinez@yahoo.com. Love to you all.

EEG today

We are heading to the grocery store this morning, Troy only has one more diaper left and we will very soon be in need of milk. Today Sophia has an EEG at 2pm. It will be a group effort to keep her from sleeping until the test. They are supposed to be tired, that way it will be easy for them to fall asleep during the test. The car ride to the doctor is the tricky part, she loves sleeping in her car seat, she even asks me "Mommy, can I sleep in my chair?" Lana is going with me to help me keep her awake. Nonnie is watching Troy for me so we don't have to drag him along- group effort. Sophi is good at EEGs. She is very still while they put all the electrodes on her head, and she usually falls asleep easily. She asks me to sing 'twinkle twinkle', what a sight... I am sitting there next to the bed whispering the song in her ear, the technician sits behind the bed with the monitors and stuff, they usually turn on Baby Einstein to help her fall asleep, she's so good. The neurologist says the technicians flip a coin to see who gets to do Sophia's EEG because she is so good and they all want to do it. She is already telling me about going to the doctor's office, sleeping in her princess bed, and waking up and getting a yiddy pop (lolly pop). Alright well, prayers for today's test, please! We will get the results back sometime this week.
Off to get groceries, and diapers!

about last nights episode-

Simple Partial seizures are another type of seizure that can affect behavior. People who have simple partial seizures stay awake and aware but may hear, see, smell, or taste things that aren't real. They may also suddenly feel afraid, angry, happy or sad for no reason. They may become confused or experience jerking or tingling in an arm or leg.

Running this morning I'll write more later....

Comfort in Routine (another seizure)

Tonight Sophi had another "seizure episode" - You'd think at this point I'd feel comfortable saying Sophi had a seizure, but I'm not. I am not in that place tonight. Seizures are not always convulsions like you see and mostly what you hear about. Tonight Sophia had 'erratic behavior' and not the normal two year old tantrum, although that is what it looks like.

She was happy as a clam tonight playing with some kids from church. We have been having some people from church over every other Sunday for couples classes. Really fun, we all enjoy it and we are learning so much about our spouse. The neighbor, Gabrielle, a beautiful spirited 16 year old girl comes over to watch the kids in Sophia's room. They play with toys, tonight I peaked in and saw they were dressing up... Sophia was dressed in her bumble bee costume with a fairy wand, she was twirling around and pretending to sting anyone who came near her. She was perfect. Happy, excited to be playing... and as that moment passed Gabrielle said she climbed into her bed and got her pacifier (yes, she still has a pacifier but we only keep it in her bed), in that instant her joy turned into terror. Gabrielle said she turned around to look at Sophia and Sophia started screaming "You scared me...." We heard her from the living room. Gabrielle came out and Aaron (my sister's boyfriend) ran in, I was right behind him. Sophia was laying in her bed, red faced and screaming. I picked her up and soon realized this was the 'erratic behavior' that she experienced the night we came home from vacation in May, this has happened one other time. She was screaming that she was scared, her teeth hurt, I couldn't understand her words in the midst of her screaming. I kept reminding myself she can't calm down, she isn't in control.... all while telling her 'calm down, it's OK'. Everyone in the room was staring at her, she probably didn't even realize, but I thought how embarrassing for her, I carried her into the bathroom and put a cool washcloth on her head. She was saying that the light hurt her eyes, it's not even really crying just screaming. Tony came in and I passed her off to him. Poor Gabrielle was in the other room with Troy and looked terrified. Trying explaining a seizure that looks a lot like a tantrum... some of the people from church thought she was mad because the other kids were playing with her toys- not the case. I understand why they thought that but their ignorance was aggravating, when I knew she wasn't in control and they just didn't understand. I am embarrassed for her, and thankful that she won't remember it. I went to walk Gabrielle home, while Tony stayed with Sophia who was still screaming... I knew the only thing to do was comfort her and wait for 'it' to let go. While we walked Gabrielle asked me lots of questions, I think she thought it was something she did... she was so kind and brave, how scary for her. Her brother Jonathan is 8 and he had come over with her, Sophia calls him "Johnny", he asked me if it happens everyday, "thankfully no" I said. You know Gabrielle has only watched the kids while we were in the house and I never thought to explain Sophia's seizures with her... she knows Sophia is epileptic but she's never watched her alone and I never talked much with her about it after that.

When I got back Lana (my sis) and Aaron were taking care of Troy and Sophia had just fallen asleep. She was exhausted and sweaty. I got Tony a bottle for Troy. He is the peace in the midst of chaos... smiling, laughing, trilled to be awake past his bedtime. The guests all left, thanks to Lana and Aaron for taking over as host while Tony and I had our plates full. I did call some of them to explain why I just ran out on them.

I went in to sit with Sophia for a moment. Sleeping sound, she may have looked content but knowing what the past half an hour looked like, I felt sadness for her. The wash cloth on her head still, I took it off, she was still sweaty. She loves Vics on her nose at night and I went to her closet and got it, rubbed a bit on her nose before putting it back. She didn't even wake up, I kinda hoped she would so that I could tell her goodnight, say her prayers, and sing songs with her before bedtime. Sophia sleeps with more stuffed animals than I can count and she loves them in a particular order, something silly that only a mommy would know. Her animals were spread on her bed and the floor. Her room was messy from the kids playing. I quietly picked up the toys. I lined the animals up on her bed. "Talky Bear" with butterfly, the camel, "Sarah Dog", "Bingo".... they all have names, it's important to her, and in that moment it was important to me. I hate her dawdling at night while she lines up all her animals before bedtime... but tonight I wished she had been awake with me while I put them all in a row, in her special order. When she wakes up I want her to think she went to bed happy, like she always does. I turned her CD player to the classical music that she listens to before bedtime. I made sure both of her night lights were on. I put "Nina Baby" in the stroller.... comfort in routine, if not for Sophia but for myself. She will be fine in the morning, she won't even remember.

The same emotion every time... so thankful to God that this is all we have to deal with, thankful that she will be fine in the morning, thankful that she won't remember it, sad that this thing has to happen, sad that she isn't in control, scared that it happened again, scared that it will get worse... and still guilt, guilty for feeling sad when I know in the morning she will wake up and sing "it's a new day, a new day, a day that's given to me, everyone gets one you see, every new day is a gift that's free".

She is my baby and I love her, every piece of her, even the pieces that make me sad, I love her always.

Troy's nose and our trip to the zoo.

OH TROY!!! He is turning into the accident prone one of the house. Funny I say that when Sophia just fractured her arm last week. The picture is from Tony's cell phone but you can see the yuckiness of his cute little button nose. He is 8 months old now and he really is trying to walk. He pulls up on everything and I believe that he really thinks he can walk, even though he can't! He really has no balance once he lets go. He pushes off of the couch like he can just start taking steps and inevitably falls right onto his face. This time he tried to walk to a bucket of toys and fell right into the bucket. Sophia, who walked at 9 1/2 months, used to do the same thing. She got many busted lips in her day.

We went to the zoo today. We saw zebra, giraffe, rhinoceros, elephants, monkeys, manatee, tons of fish, we had a really nice time. Then the infamous thunderstorms came and we decided it was a good time to head home. It was a fun trip. Short and sweet! :) The best with two little ones in tow. I'll have to add pictures once we get them uploaded off the camera.

We are getting ready to cut into a big watermelon and spend some more family time before Tony gets ready to head back to work on Monday. Remember, just as I get used to him being home he has to go back...

Hope everyone is having a Happy Saturday!!

Brokenness

*Picture of Sophia and Grandaddy. Wanted to share.

OK, so no surprise to some (Angie) but the 'movie' I watched last night was the Cross Point Video from Angie's blog. If you haven't watched it yet... oh my, it's a good one! I will link it to you at the bottom of this blog. It is 22 minutes but totally worth it. I have been meaning to watch it for sometime now, but I am glad I watched it when I did. Isn't it strange how God puts things in our path at just the right time. I had started the video a number of times in the past couple weeks, only to be interrupted with a phone call, or the children needing something... something always seemed to distract me. But last night with the children sleeping and Tony working out in the garage I found the perfect opportunity to watch and really be touched by the message of the video. Thank you Angie and Todd for sharing your story.

Just a quick thought that really touched me was when Angie said that God doesn't have a Plan B, we do but this was His plan all along. I found so much comfort in that... the control freak that I am, when I am out of control knowing that God is in control and that this is His plan.. mine or not... is so comforting to me. Having a real trust in God makes this comfort so safe. When you put your trust in God knowing that He will be with you. It makes the journey, situation, instance, or circumstance livable. Letting go of my plan and being in His mercy and His grace.... what a soft place to rest.

Thank you, Lord, for being my soft place. Thank you for putting your arms around me, holding me, even when I don't understand the direction... Thank you for being all knowing. Thank you for breaking me so that I will cling to you 'and not let you go until you bless me' Thank you

My devotional this morning was about 'brokenness' what a great topic after watching that video. The devotional was titled "He Breaks Us to Make Us" it was the story in Genesis 32:22-32 about Jacob wrestling with God in the form of a man. To sum it up... God may break our hearts so that we will make room for him in the midst of the brokenness. Jacob's response to God's tough love was to cling to Him and earnestly pray, "I will not let you go unless you bless me" God breaks us physically, emotionally, spiritually so that we will discover that God's strength is perfect in our weakness.

Well, Sophi has woke up and is eating pretzel sticks watching My Little Pony is my bed. Troy is still sleeping sound, wish he slept like that last night! Teething! UGH!

Have a good weekend!! Tomorrow we are off to the zoo... fun!

Here are the links to the Cross Point Video.. there are three of them because I couldn't find the whole thing in one....

Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBQYda-mkTM

Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYzp2mu2g5c

Part 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD_HmwjPm80&feature=related

Hope those work... it's totally worth watching!!!

I should be sleeping...

but I am typing. I don't know why. I don't really have anything to write about. We went to the park today with the kids. Tony has been home from work this week so we have been able to spend a lot of family time. It is different with him home though. I always say.. we are like sissors, always moving in opposite directions yet always connected. I told him Tuesday that I have to get used to him being home because he is on my turf. The house is my turf. Tony has a very demanding job and is gone the majority of the day. He leaves as the kids are getting up and he comes home usually during bath time before bed. We have a schedule and adding a Daddy to the mix changes things. I am a stickler for schedules though. Ask anyone... well, if you have ever met me you probably already know this. My sister in law, Denise, says I am anal. But, I think organized... ok, anal. My pantry is labeled... the kids drawers are labeled... and no I don't have time to be labeling, but I still do it. I grew up in a house that was always clean yet never organized and although I have my share of 'treasure drawers' (some would call them junk drawers) in our house I am still very organized and scheduled! It has been nice though, having another adult in the house. Just as I am getting used to him being home he is going to have to go back to work. You know he does things so different than me. He lets Sophia run around in panties and a tshirt when I make sure to get her dressed after her nap, why though?? She was just in the house playing with her toys. Does it really matter?? I guess not but... ok ok.. anal, I know! Not that his way is wrong, mine is just better ;)j/k Men- they are so different! Who gets 'em! Well, I guess I really didn't have anything to type tonight. I am contemplative tonight- I have alot in my mind and I don't have the words to get it out. I thought if I typed maybe the words would come to me... but they aren't. I watched a movie tonight that really made me think about trust and faith in the Lord, how God doesn't have a Plan B, and.... I wish I could put it to words but maybe tomorrow. Good Night!

MY TAG!

Michaelene tagged me ... so here's 24 things about me:
4 places I go over and over
1. Target
2. Walmart
3. Walgreens.
4. The gym

4 people that email me
1.My mom
2.Tony
3. Virgil (my brother)
4. Kelly

4 of my favorite foods - since I have been dieting for months now... great question!!! I can think of way more than four :)
1. Pizza Hut stuffed crust cheese pizza
2. Chocolate Dream from Carrabas -oh, I miss this!
3. Mashed Potatoes with cheese, ketchup, and corn all mixed together!
4. Texas Cheese Fries from Lone Star Steakhouse
-Now you see why I needed to diet!

4 places I would rather be right now
1. The beach- any beach would be fine
2. Bush Gardens- I really want to see Jungala (I think that's how you spell it)
3. The nail place getting a pedicure- I could really use a pedicure
4. Shopping with an unlimited budget, would be nice huh!!!??? ;)

4 movies I could watch over and over
1. Walking Tall
2. Bad Boys I & II
4. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants *had to add a chick flick in there!

4 People I want to learn more about
1. Michaelene- liking what I have already learned!
2. Angie- just because I can't get enough of your blog!
3. Lana- because I learn new things everyday and I thought I knew all there was to know
4. Anne Marie- for the same reason as Lana!

Always There

Sophia fell Friday evening, off a chair in the dining room. She cried and cried when it happened. After a bit she calmed down and watched a movie before going to sleep. Saturday she complained off and on. It seemed to everyone else that I was over reacting and she just bruised it, but I knew something was wrong (mother's intuition). Sunday, I had enough, I told Tony to take her for an x ray and we found out this morning that she has a small fracture in the socket of her elbow. She will be fine, but no trampoline or playground for two weeks or so. When Sophia fell, she was fussing and crying... I couldn't stop the pain, but I did everything I knew to help her feel better. I got her cup, her favorite stuffed animal, her blanket, everything I could think of. I am sure you have been there with an inconsolable child. She didn't notice that I was taking care of her because of the pain in her arm. She would look at me and scream, turn her head to the side so that she didn't look at me. It was so frustrating, I just wanted to take care of her, but she was in pain and nothing I did seemed to make her feel better... In my frustration, God made something so clear to me... sometimes when our pain is too much we ignore God. The same way that I was trying to take care of her every need, God takes care of us.
Our Father always knows our needs, even if we don't. He takes care of us and carries us through difficult times, yet sometimes we don't even notice He is there. We are His inconsolable children, not noticing Him, turning our heads and not letting Him help us. I remember crying out for God many times, yet not noticing until much later that He was there all along. I am sorry that I ignored you Lord.
I wanted to share this because I felt so convicted by these thoughts. I don't know if you have ever been hurting so bad and wondered where God was but He is with you. Open your heart and you will feel His presence. Let Him be the Daddy, let Him hold you, let Him fulfill your needs, He is there and waiting for you to reach for Him.
Like Casting Crowns lyrics from Praise You In This Storm say... "Every tear I've cried you hold in your hand, you never left my side... " He has never left our side.

Cardboard Testimony

*I couldn't figure out how to post the video so just follow the link.

Well worth the eight minutes that it takes to watch this. What would your cardboard testimony be??


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

A special Father's Day.

It will be a special Father's Day for us. My Grandaddy had surgery almost two weeks ago and he is home and doing good. He is an amazing man. He and my Grammie left their home to come live with us, when my parents divorced when I was a child. They are great people who sacrificed a lot to help raise my sister and I. Grandaddy is very important to our family and we are glad to have him with us. Our family has a lot to be thankful for while we honor our daddies on Sunday.

Sophia calls lightening "boom booms". Florida is famous for thunder storms in the summer time. Today the kids were taking a nap and were rudely awakened by some loud "boom booms". They both woke up crying from the thunder and lightening. I have never seen Troy so scared. Sophi calmed down pretty quick and tried calming Troy down. She was saying "Shhh.. Bruder, it's ok, Sissy's here now... it's ok..." She is so sweet to him. She really is the little mommy in the house.

Troy finished his ISR swimming today. He did an awesome job! At 7 months old he is able to bring himself to the surface of a pool and float on his back. It was worth all the money and the time. Congratulations Troy!!

I got Tony a beautiful fine art picture of the children drawn by a local artist. It is amazing how he was able to capture every detail of our babies. It is beautiful. I think I may like it more than Tony! :) We are going to visit my parents on Sunday after church, it should be a fun family day.

Wishing everyone a blessed Father's Day.

Getting Medical For Ya-

Because I have been asked... a little about Sophia's seizure disorder.
Epilepsy is a wide term basically meaning this person has multiple seizures. There are different types of seizures and different types of disorders- we deal with a number of different types of seizures.
When Sophia was about 9 months old she was "making funny faces" as I called it. The left size of her face would pull to the side; she was teething and I thought she was making strange faces from the pain of the teething. I noticed it off and on for 2 or 3 days then my mom who is an RN was over and Sophia started doing it again (I thought she was doing it, she was controlling it, but she wasn't). I told my mom to watch. I remember seeing her face- she looked so upset and told me to call the doctor that it didn't look normal. She didn't want to tell me that she thought it was a seizure. The pediatrician asked me to explain it to him over the phone, I did.. he said, I'll never forget "I don't want to alarm you, but you need to take her to the ER it sounds like she is having a focal seizure." (for info on focal seizures - http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000697.htm) We took her to the hospital and we were admitted for 3 days. They did an EEG and some other tests. It never happened while we were in the hospital and the EEG was normal (they often are unless the child has a seizure while hooked to the machine). We were released with no real explanation for what was happening. We didn't go much further at that point, I think we just thought it would go away- we thought that for a long time.
Then soon after she started having febrile seizures (for info on febrile seizures http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000980.htm). Any time she ran a fever she would have a seizure. Sometimes it was her whole body and sometimes it would be an arm or one side of her body. They normally would last anywhere from 1 to 6 minutes. The first time she had one- she had woke during the night with a fever and I put her in our bed. Tony went and slept in the guest room and I stayed in the bed with Sophi. I woke up with her next to me; her body was shaking and she was making a noise like she was choking (my sister had a febrile seizure when she was a toddler so I knew what it was- but was terrified) I carried her into the living room and I was yelling for Tony to wake up and call 911, I told him she was having a febrile seizure. I knew from life guarding what to do, but had never experienced it- I put her on her side and spoke calming to her. I thought when it was over that she would just "wake up" - She was limp her face was gray her eyes were open and fixated to the right and she wasn't responding to our voices. We thought she was brain dead; we were later told that it is called "postictal state" (basically the brain trying to rest after the seizure and reboot itself). We were taken to the ER and they said she had an ear infection and but her on antibiotics and sent us home. They gave us a handout about febrile seizures. Febrile seizures aren't that rare in toddlers and they are normally harmless. Tony's younger brother had a febrile seizure episode, my sister had, and Tony's uncle.. we just thought it was something that ran in the family, looked really scary.. but it was a one time thing. She has had numerous febrile seizures. After about the third febrile seizure I switched pediatricians because I thought this was something that was a one time deal.. but she could run a fever from immunizations or teething or illness and she was having seizures. Almost any time she had a fever she would have a seizure. The new doctor refeered us to Arnold Palmer Children's Hospital and they got us in contact with a nuerologist who has been a blessing to our family. She sent us from MRIs, EEGs, head CT, different tests. They gave us a medication called Diastat that we give when she has a febrile seizure lasting longer than 3-4 minutes. They eventually started her on Trileptal, and since her seizures have continued she takes Clonazapam when she is running a fever. Since going to the nuerolgist she had started having absence seizures (http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/epilepsy_childhoodabsence); she'll just stare off from time to time with no explanation. She doesn't seem to notice it has happens. Sometimes she will contort her right hand, it's like something grabs her and then it just lets go and she continues doing whatever it was she was doing. She has had a sleep seizure (but the doctor thinks it was a one time thing due to stress from traveling, unless she has more they aren't as concerned with this). She was sleeping and woke up (we thought she was awake) screaming, she was unconsolable, she said we were hurting her when we held her, but she didn't want to be put down, she wanted to listen to her music, but it hurt her ears, she said her mouth hurt, her tummy hurt.. it was horrible, I felt like I couldn't help her. I didn't know if she was awake or asleep. Tony was trying to help but we couldn't do anything to make her feel better. Three and a half hours later- almost as quick as it started, it stopped, and she went back to sleep. She was tired that day and cranky but she was fine and she didn't remember any of it.
It is so complex... many different ideas on epilepsy, many different thoughts, but that's a look into what it's like with her.
After a febrile seizure, or any more intense seizures...she may go through a day or two were she is off balance, she might be clumbsy and forgetful, but it doesn't last more than a day or two. Sometimes her left eye is droopy but it always corrects itself. She has been through alot but we are very lucky that she is a normal, active, happy child.
Sophia is never quiet! She has an excellent vocabulary, she has developed normally, and she has no long term damage from the seizures. The most important thing I like to hold on to is that there is the hope that she can grow out of this! I can't let go of that. Typing all that info made me kind of sad- I am glad to share with you though... I am glad people care to know and it gives some insight into what she has been through. God has protected her and I know He will continue to place a hedge of protection over her. Thank Him for that!
The next blog to come will be about Troy. He is a special boy who is a blessing to our family. I have been working on a blog about him and the joy he has brought our family. So much attention is given to Sophia and I really want to honor her brother who really is the "little rock" of our family. He brings us so much joy and he always knows how to make his siter laugh. Sweet Troy!

An Amazing Day

Tony and I got a much needed break today.
My mom and dad came over and double-teamed Sophia and Troy so Tony and I could go to a theme park. We had so much fun. I felt like we were dating again. We love roller coasters and theme parks. I had forgotten how much fun we could have when it was just the two of us. We (especially me) get so caught up in the everyday... the kids, the house, swim lessons, doctor visits, groceries, cooking, cleaning. We went to the theme park, then we went to see Iron Man before coming home. I called and checked on the kids a couple times (which I hate doing- I am always afraid that if I call I will hear someone crying and I'll want to come get them- if I call and they are crying- don't answer, just call me back). Each time I called they were napping, or laughing, or singing... it made the day so enjoyable. We got home about 5; they had been bathed, fed, and everyone was so happy. It couldn't have been any better! Thanks Mimi and Grandaddy for loving our babies as much as we do!

Life Verse

Do you have a life verse picked out for your child/children?

I had never thought of this; what is new to me isn't always new to others though. At church we were encouraged to pick a life verse for our children. We could pick separate verses for each child or one verse for all children in our homes. Tony and I thought on it for a bit and we picked....

"Trust in the Lord your with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3; 5-6

We thought this was a good one for both kiddos- I am sure as they grow we will pick other verses for them, but this is an awesome foundation that we want to teach our children. I encourage you if you haven't picked a life verse to pick one.
Share it, I'd love to hear what you picked.

'Most Dramatic'

Sophi's little class had their last day on Thursday. They are on summer vacation! I was emptying her backpack this morning and found a laminated certificate with a red lady bug on it... "Presented to Sophia, award given for 'most dramatic'..." Well if that isn't perfect! When she is winning a Grammy for best actress I'll show her this. What a character she is.


We had a good week. Busy week- I am looking foward to a relaxing summer. We may try and sign Sophia up for gymnastics again, she enjoyed that last summer.


Troy is crawling and climbing on everything. It's funny, Sophia enjoys her brother but she always likes being able to get away from him. She used to sit on the floor and cuddle him, then when she wanted a break she would climb onto the couch, now he can stand up and get next to her, she is starting to get annoyed with that. She really is the perfect 'big sister'... "Mommy, bruder's climbing near me" -Geez!


Sophi hasn't had any seizure episodes all week- we haven't noticed any, she has been pretty even tempered (other than the normal two year old stuff). It's been a great week.


No more swim lessons, which she has been trilled about. We take Troy and she plays on the steps at the pool and tells me all the reasons she doesn't like swimming with Ms. Lacey... I got video today of Troy's lesson so I'll upload it soon.

Well, just wanted to keep in touch this week.

I hope everyone is having a blessed week. I am enjoying your comments, emails, and such.