Sophia has never been a good sleeper.
When she was an infant we had epic sleep battles.
With her super strong will and her ability to function on 4-6 hours of sleep a night it's a wonder I got any rest when she was a baby.
I thought I had a pretty good grip on it around age 4, she was no were near sleeping through the night but she had learned that until the sun comes up we stay in our beds. With all of her health issues I totally understand that it may be hard for her to get to sleep, she may sleep intermittently throughout the night and any of you with children who have special needs you teach them to adapt to the most normal routine as possible and for us staying in bed till you see the sun is the best option. She used to read books quietly with a flash light, play with her toys in her bed, whatever, but she was quiet and respectful of the rest of us.
I have always found for whatever reason with my children, both of them, the bedtime power struggle is the area where the lines are drawn. If I let them stay up later than normal or allow them to get up after being put to bed something clicks in their little brains and they think they have the upper hand, they have won and the next day they think they are the one in control. I learned very early with these two that it is 100% a test of wills. Troy is pretty typical, bathroom, drink, the never ending prayer, I gotta poop, etc. Sophia takes it to a whole new level. I think special needs kids have this whole level of strong will that most people can't even imagine. A few nights ago she told me she needed to go to the hospital at 2am, she'd rather go to the hospital than sleep in her bed...
Recently Sophia has been switched to a number of different medications for her seizures, we are trying to find the best one for her... in the process I got pretty relaxed about her sleeping, she was having trouble sleeping, complaining of tummy aches and nervousness... the medicines can cause insomnia, stomach pains and anxiety... she didn't know that but I did and until we figured out which medicines were right for her I just felt more comfortable keeping a close eye, so I let her sleep in our room, I slept with her... there was no routine or power struggle whatever so ever, her need or want was she got it.
Fast forward 6 weeks later, we are switching medicines yet again, back to the original prescription that had worked well until she had a few breakthrough seizures. I'd rather have a breakthrough seizure every once and a while than deal with the side effects of these other drugs.
Well, the whole tummy ache thing has become a great excuse to get out of bed at this point. I can tell, for the most part, when my kids are faking it, every momma can, it's just that instinct. I'm always careful with Sophia because I know the medicines can cause some crazy side effects and I don't want push her too hard if it might be a real issue but tonight I knew 100% that she was not really sick, she'll make herself sick, gagging and all but she wasn't really sick.
So, at 1:30am I decided tonight was going to be a test of wills. Tony went to bed on standby knowing that he very well might be woke up for second shift if this power struggle went into the morning hours. Well, it's 4:12am and Tony has about 18 minutes before I'm going to sleep for a few hours and he'll be on bedtime patrol, before he'll have to get ready for work. For the last three and a half hours she gets up and I walk her back to bed and leave the room, over and over and over again. It's real insanity over here but eventually it will work. We may be up all night tonight but tomorrow night she will remember...
Some might ask why don't I just let her sleep with me? Why don't I just let down with her? Why don't I just spank her and make her stay in her bed?
Well, the same answer I give to anyone who asks me why I do things the way I do...
You aren't Sophi's mom. You don't know her needs like I do, you don't know her like I do. I do what I do because I am Sophi's mom.
I don't believe there is one way to parent. I have two children and I have two parenting styles that meet their specific needs.
I don't want her staying in bed because she is afraid she will be spanked. I don't want her thinking she can pull momma along like a bull with a ring in it's nose. I want her to stay up all night long if that's what it takes because tomorrow night she will remember I didn't get my way, it's not worth the fight again, I'll go pee and then get back to sleep or at least lay there till the sun is up. If not tomorrow night maybe the next night, but she will learn. It needs reinforced after 6 weeks of a free for all but she will figure it out.
I decided to pull out my computer and blog this because I was laying on the couch in the dark thinking about the good mother... the good mother doesn't take the easy way out. She digs her heels in and does what is best for her child even when it is the hard thing to do.
All good mothers can look back and say oh yes, I missed out on going here because they lost that privileged or I spent the afternoon being pestered because they were naughty and weren't allowed to go outside or lost tv time... when my good mother used to tell me 'this is harder on me than it is on you' I never understood...
Well, now I get it.
I totally understand.
I am so thankful for my good mother who taught me that what is right is not always easy.
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