I always pray that I am better than before, growing as a Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, stranger
I believe we should never stop growing, learning and exploring.
Looking forward I can feel Him leading us, as a family, we have answered His call and He is leading... and we are growing...
As I think about taking His path, I think back, back when we weren't following.
I don't like to look back on that time...
But then I recall why it is important to look back, so we can learn from what was and rejoice in what is...
I look back to remember what was, knowing where I have been, acknowledging the change and accepting the blessing.
We were so young, so bright, everything going our way...
our way, not His way, but He wasn't going to let us know just yet.
He was subtle, little pushes every now and then, He was calling we just weren't listening.
Life was "perfect", we bought our dream house, had a little girl and big plans to fill our home with lots of children, love and laughter.
Things were going great, we were busy making a family and creating memories... everything we thought we were supposed to do.
Our families were happy for us, proud even. Our friends loved spending time with us.
We went on vacations, hosted parties, went to extravagant dinners, we helped those less fortunate but never gave until it hurt.
It happened so quickly... so quickly that it hurt.
It was like the chaos after the earthquake, when everyone scrambles around trying to do what they think they need to do to survive.
There was very little keeping up with appearances, quickly it was over, every thing gone.
We moved three times in four months, we sold most everything we had to keep food on the table, keep the electric on and pay medical bills, there were days I wondered why God would do this, didn't He care about us?
That's the blessing in looking back...
He was calling, He was calling over and over again asking us nicely to answer, when we wouldn't He came banging on our door, He wanted us to grow, the growing pains hurt but eventually we would answer His calls.
We never went without, we always had food, when we lost all transportation we were blessed with a white van that has not failed us yet, minus a few hiccups. He was carrying us, meeting every need, yet at that point in our lives, we had to re-learn what needs were.
Our needs for shelter, food, family, healthcare, God... we never went without. It hurt sometimes but we never went without.
I never look back wishing we would have done things differently because everything we did helped us get to where we are now.
He leads, and though I sometimes fall, I fall at the feet of my Father, who picks me up lets me try again. He is always good, ever present, He wants good for me and good for me is to answer Him, follow Him, let Him lead.
When I was ready to walk away from everything I knew, He was there, providing us with mentors, no doubt these people were heaven sent from Him to bless us.
When we tired on our own, but couldn't afford medicine for our little one, He provided it for us, the pharmacist with a white mustache and a heart the size of Texas, I will never forget the blessing.
When we needed a stable place to stay, He provided, and humbled us at the same time, when our neighbor's rental house came available.
Time and time again He provided and He still does. Only now, our eyes are on Him and the evidence is clear, before it seemed by chance. Now we grow in Him...
And when we were ready for Him, He was there, with a place that was perfect for us and church family for us to grow with.
As time has gone by I realize how far I walked from the Father. I thought I was doing everything right.
I was a faithful wife, raising a beautiful baby girl, living in my dream home, opening my doors to guests, supporting charities and giving to those less fortunate, I wasn't a bad person I was just no different than the rest of them and He wants us to be different, as we grow we are supposed to be different.
It is shameful to remember that person, the one who ran when the problems got to big, the one who had to loose it all to learn what was really important... but so thankful that He is forgiving, merciful and no matter how rotten we are His love is constant and He does watch out for His children.
I never want to be content again, always growing in Him.
I don't share this because you must go through some life shattering event to find Him, it's just that as this year comes to close and we are picking up the pieces putting together a new life. I am just so thankful that He choose to break it all, to break me, so that I could find Him. He truly does want us to bring the brokenness to Him and He really does make it whole and good again. I would go through the growing pains again to be here today.
A new year, a new home, a new start... and this little house, in this little town, is far greater than the "dream house" we left behind three years ago.
Because this home was prayed for and unlike our "dream home" this was not by our will but His. This was for a reason, this is where we are supposed to be, this is where we are supposed to be to grow...
Tony said it best, "I feel God lead us here." Never before in our lives have we felt lead the way we are being lead now and it is because we are growing, ever growing in Him. And when we let go of our own desires and submit to Him great things can happen.
I can't wait to see what He has done this time next year.
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