Sad VS Happy

The past weeks have been a complete mad house around here. There is so much to catch up on, so many pictures to show, so much to say! I don't know where to begin..
Let's start at the first thing on my heart, the sad vs happy. Please don't judge me for this post.. it is a very emotion filled one and may seem like an 'over reaction' to some but that is the point.
To start here though I have to catch you all up to speed.
Tony is in Texas. Not on a vacation without us, but he is working there, for three months. So there is the initial hurray! he found a job! Then there is the eww.. we live in Florida, that we love, that our families are here, that we never want to move. Then it's the oh it's only for three months. Well, it is a guaranteed income for three months so that is a great thing! We are hoping that it could turn into a job in Florida thing, but trying not to get ahead of ourselves. We are very excited about his opportunity. Tony is so glad to be the 'provider' again. He says he feels so glad to be able to 'take care of us' financially again. I am so proud of him, that is one thing that I always admire about Tony, he will always make sure we are taken care of. We will always have food and shelter.
This economy has defiantly taken it's toll on us the past year. I was thinking about it the other day...
when I have good days, positive thankful days, the days I feel God's strength, this is my story...
We had a lot of things, we lost a lot of things. We bonded together and we made it work. We never lost our friendship and in fact became even stronger through the hard time. Our daughter has been healthy, she is here with us, suffering no brain damage and for the times we thought she had a brain tumor she did not! We have a healthy happy baby boy. Who teaches me every day to just let things roll and not worry. We have so much to be thankful for. Even though we lost our things we never lost what matters most, our family and our faith.
On the bad days, the negative, doubtful days, the days the devil uses to drag me down, this is my story...
We lost everything we had when Tony lost his job, our house, our cars, we had to sell our things, Tony pawned his ring so we could buy groceries, I had to get a job so that we could afford health insurance to cover the rising medical bills that we were drowning in debt with, we borrowed money from our families, and now my husband has had to move across the country for a job to support us and we are split apart.
Two totally different takes on the same story huh? Can't believe what a foothold the devil can get if we really let him. I mean there is some harsh reality to the 'sad story' but the truth of the 'happy story' is really what I try and focus on.
It has been really hard, it all has been really hard. It has been hard to see him go to Texas. The joy in the blessing of him getting a job was almost over shadowed by the loneliness that I felt the day I drove home with those two little babies in there car seats.


The doubt that day swallowed me. I didn't even want to go home from the airport. When Tony left through the security gates we stayed at the airport and looked in all the stores. We stayed in the Sea World shop for thirty minutes as I contemplated using my toll money buy Sophia a doll and buy Troy a plastic shark. Then when we got off the free way we stopped to eat lunch, we went inside and sat together, the three of us, for close to two hours. I have never been so patient watching Sophi dip her spoon in a frosty and lick it like a lollipop, taking forever to eat that frosty which when she finished she could drink like a chocolate milk. Troy sat in his seat and folded his little hands saying "amen, amen" I knew God was reminding me to pray. I did. I got my courage and drove the rest of the way home. When we got to town I stopped at the grocery store, I made up some excuse, but I really just didn't want to go in that house without him. When we pulled into the driveway we sat outside and played with sidewalk chalk for close to an hour before I even put the key in the door. The reality really wasn't that bad. It was our house and just because he wasn't there in that moment didn't mean he was gone. I really had let the devil just run with my heart that day. I mean, it is ok to be sad, but this wasn't the end. It was the beginning for my family to start over. I put the kids down for there naps and prayed.
So Tony has only been gone for 5 days. He sends the kids videos and we send videos to him. It has been fun spending so much time with the kids. Everything is working out perfect. I am still working and will continue to work, we need the benefits. I have gone down to part time though and I like it much better.
Everything that I was worried about so far has gone very peaceful. The kids spending the night with my mom, they love it! I was worried that they would miss me and Tony, they do but my mom keeps them so entertained they hardly think of us :)
I was worried that they would be sad, they are, but I am helping Sophi deal with the heartache and she is ok. She cries sometimes and I let her. She told me the other night that she just wanted to hug him, she said 'I'll even close my eyes and not look if I could just touch him.' I felt my eyes get tearful and I swore I wouldn't cry about this in front of her.. I almost did. I told her it was ok to cry and be sad but Daddy really wanted her to be happy and enjoy this time with mommy and Troy and Mimi. I am soo glad that she can see him and touch him again. My heart breaks for those families who have children who can't see there parents again. But at 4 years old it doesn't make it any easier. She is happy and doing her best. I can now say from experience though that my family should never be separated. It doesn't work for us.
Troy doesn't really get it, he still thinks that Tony is flying around on the airplane somewhere. He only asks for him when he is screaming in time out and he is his typical laid back self. He is struggling through a stomach virus right now, which I pray Sophia and I don't get. I think it's just a 24 hour thing, he seemed much happier tonight than he did earlier today.
I got scared last night and Tony wasn't here to check the locks for me. I got scared and my mind started wandering... I felt myself beginning to think some very irrational thoughts.. I prayed for peace and I got it.
God has been so gracious to me this week. Now lets see if he'll protect me from Troy's stomach flu.
It is a roller coaster of emotions for sure. But we are doing ok.

I have so many pictures I want to share but I am saving them for another post.
Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween :) Love you all.