still need my momma, always need her.

Snuck away from the 'blog world' for a few days.

We have been keeping busy visiting with family. My sister was in town for the weekend. My mom took a few days off work. We went to some community events and took a day trip to a lake with a local playgroup. I have lots of pictures I want to share but that will have to wait until later.

I wasn't planning on a blog tonight, but I'm laying in Sophia's room keeping a close eye on her tonight and the only thing that I can do that is quiet and won't wake her is to blog. ;)

I snooped around Facebook for about thirty minutes and then decided to write a blog. I wasn't going to because I hate thinking of and remembering the stressful moments in life, but they are moments that we all face in one way or another.

Today was a very fun, productive day. The kids and I slept in and I really thought we weren't going to get much done but we
cleaned the garage,
I painted an old rocking chair that I'm going to 'upcycle',
I upcycled some busted up picture frames,
then we went to the fabric shop,
we had Chick Fil A for lunch,
I was going to attempt a trip to Walmart but decided we should go home for a nap... a nap that they didn't take.
So we ended up going to a friend's house to play for a hour,
then we went to the farm to help my mom with the horses,
the kids rode...
and what we thought would be a low key day, ended up being SUPER BUSY and lots of fun!
I came home bathed the kids, fed them a quick dinner, grilled cheese, veggie chips, and apple slices, put them to bed and my awesome hubby offered to treat me and my mom to Outback while he stayed home while the monsters slept. So we took off about 8:30 for a late dinner.

We had a nice time. My mom and I haven't been to dinner just the two of us in a really long time. I enjoy this bonding time, just the two of us. Twenty-six and I still need my momma, I'll always need her`. I like spending time with my mom, more now that ever, I get why she did the things she did and I really respect her as a mother and a woman. We have our differences but I can say I enjoy her in a different way now that I am an adult. Our fun night out got brought to a halt when I sent Tony a text message to see how things were going. He said that Sophia had been up in a panic, disoriented, and he was doing his best but he didn't know what to do with her that it was just getting worse.

I rushed home, told him to try and get her to calm down because she would end up having a seizure if she doesn't relax. She starts hyperventilating and that rapid breathing can provoke a seizure.

So much to worry about with this child.

She only recently started listening to music at bedtime and she told me that she "freaked out when the music turned off" and she thought she was going to throw up. I can't even pretend to understand but I do know that it has to do with the sensory dysfunction and while I don't understand how she thinks and feels I do know what I can do to help her get through it.

I scooped her up off of the bathroom floor and carried her into her bed. I turned all the lights off and grabbed a cold washcloth and rubbed it on her red, hot face. She was crying "I needed you." She needed her momma, like I needed mine.

I'm here sweet girl. I don't understand, but I'm here. That's all she really needs, a calm voice to tell her she is not alone.

I reminded her to breath deeply, taking all the air in through her nose and blowing it out of her mouth. While we breathed together I prayed, prayed that God would take this away. Prayed that God would give her peace. She said, "Mommy you are falling alseep."

No, baby, I'm praying.

"I like it when you pray for me."

I always pray for you.

It breaks my heart to see her struggle. Struggle with noise, light, textures, emotions... I don't understand it, but I know how to make it better, or at least more bearable. Thank God for that.

Once she was resting, the chaos was over, I called my momma. I needed her, I'll always need her.

I thought about how this type of thing used to happen. How frustrated I used to get. Why was she acting like this? Why was she freaking out, making herself have seizures? What is wrong with her?

Now that we know there is something wrong it makes it so much easier to be compassionate, easier to be understanding, easier to help her cope with it.

So thankful God gave us good doctors, a good occupational therapist, she is surrounded by people who can help her, people who love her and want to see her succeed, even if she has to do it in her own way.

So thankful...