Peace in Disruption

I recently read a blog from my friend Lauren, she was commenting about a blog from MckMomma, it was about blogging boldly or just living boldly and not getting caught up in the appearance of perfect.

While I like to remind myself how blessed we are, I have to be careful not to mask the crosses that we as a family carry. I think we all have many crosses... different sizes, some are heavy and some are light. No matter the size, it is our cross, and important just the same. If it is a sick child, problems with a spouse or parent, a health complication, a financial situation, the loss of a family member or a pet, or just a bad day, whatever it be. Sometimes we carry it for a season sometimes for a lifetime. It can make us angry, sad, lonely, happy, thankful...

2009 has been a really long year for us. The good and the bad of the year play a balancing act on the scales of life. I am proud to say that the good that has come this year has surely out weighed the bad. It's all in how you look at it I guess. A friend of ours would tell us "PMA"(positive mental attitude). She would say this in a joking manner but it always reminded us to have a positive outlook.

Tony losing his job in April 09 was a hard pill to swallow but we managed and got through it. The financial hurt and the loss of the job, the loss of our house, our cars, some days it felt like we lost everything, and I do mean thing. God granted a peace that I always remembered family, health and happiness were not things. But that didn't make it an easier to accept. Someone told me this last year, "even though most of America is going through the same thing, when you are alone and lay your head on your pillow at night it doesn't make it any easier." It is true. You have to stay positive and keep your faith in hard times, but those dark moments do creep in and you have to just be real sometimes and it wouldn't be real to say that it didn't hurt.

In the midst of it all we really gained our family back. Tony who was gone nearly 75 hours a week was home, unemployed but home. He got to experience our kids growing in a way he never would have. I began to depend on him as a way a wife should. We were able to work together for a common goal for the first time in our marriage. Raising our kids and paying the bills was our goal not my goal and his goal. We worked together like never before. I entered back into the work force and while that is still sometimes not my greatest pleasure I have come to find pride in providing an income and health insurance for my family. But when it comes to being 'bold' and not pretending it's all perfect and ok. I still have my moments when I miss the carefree lifestyle that I used to live. I have moments that the devil gets a foothold and I envy the mom's who still get to stay home. I pray for the oppurtunity to do it again but I'm thankful for the blessing of a job.

I never imagined I'd find myself in marriage counselling, which we did, and THANK GOD for it. I really don't know if I could have made it during this time without the encouragement of a wonderful Christ centered couple who call themselves 'marriage mentors' not counsellors. That was not my proudest moment but sometimes God humbles us to teach us that we should stop doing it our way and do it his way.

God places us right were we need to be and if we sit and listen we will hear his plan.

I heard a lesson around Christmas time about Mary and the chaos and disruption that Jesus' birth was to bring Mary. In the midst of the chaos and disruption Mary humbly accepted God's will for her. Saying, "I am God's servant, May it be to me as you have said." Luke 1:38
How brave of Mary, God knew who he was picking ;) He gave her strength. In verse 37 the angel Gabriel said "for nothing is impossible with God."

Despite the chaos and disruption that 2009 has caused in the lives of many people around the USA we must remember that in our battles if we humbly accept God's will and lean on Him "nothing is impossible."