Grateful

*This blog was written last night and finished this morning.

Troy took his first real steps today. I was such an exciting milestone. I know it is only a matter of time until he is running all over this house. My joy was followed by sadness at the thought that sweet Landon never got to take his first steps, then more joy... in remembering that our sweet Landon is running all over heaven today. I thought of Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I smile with that thought and pray that Tami finds comfort in those images. It was a bittersweet moment... more sweet than bitter though, I want to acknowledge Landon's life and the impact he made on our family, on me. Over the past months knowing Landon's (and Marie's) stories have given me new outlook.

Something about being up in the middle of the night. Things seems so cleanr sometimes when I am up with Troy in the night... one night particular I had been awakened by him, for what seemed like the 100th time that night... it was probably the 5th time... I am not the most pleasant person when I haven't had much sleep, most of us aren't, I grumped to Tony while he lay there asleep sarcastically saying "I wish I could sleep through the night" as I got up to go settle Troy back down... Tony didn't budge, he rarely wakes at night- unless there is an emergency, he doesn't even hear me get up. I walked to Troy's room and tripped over a plastic monkey that banged into Sophia's door. I know I had told her to pick up that toy before going to bed. It hit her door with a bang and I literally jumped against the wall- like a secret agent trying to tip toe down the hall. When I got to Troy's room upon opening the door he let out the loudest shriek- I knew it would just be a matter of time before I heard Sophia calling... Just as I got Troy settled back down, Sophia yells from her room, "MOMMY!! I need more water in my cup." Troy popped his head up off my shoulder and looked around. I guess she had been awake in there while I was rocking Troy because I put him down (the crying began again) and she was wide awake sitting up in her bed... it was probably around 3am and I am not going to lie- I WAS MAD! HOT! I was so angry. I cursed in my mind as I filled up her cup while Troy was awake again and crying. I filled her cup, turned on her music, covered her back up, kissed her, and told her to go back to sleep, that I'd check on her when I got Troy back to sleep. I went back to Troy's room picked him up and sat in the rocking chair until he settled back down. When I first sat in that chair I was frustrated, tired, annoyed... under the circumstances understandable. Then, Landon popped into my mind and Marie as well.. I thought-

thank God my baby can cry for me in the night.

thank God my baby girl can play with the plastic monkey I tripped over

thank God my daughter has ears to hear, even when I don't want her too :)

thank God my son can hold me back

thank God my daughter can speak, even if she is yelling across the house at 3am

For all the things I don't enjoy... thank God.

The next morning I was tired but so grateful.
Grateful for a rough night with my two babies.
Grateful to kiss them good morning.
Grateful to hear Sophia tell me her cup was empty again.
Grateful that Troy was a grouch from being up and down all night.
I have never been so grateful for such a tiresome night and such a grouchy morning.

Thank you Landon and Marie for teaching me to be grateful for the things that I don't always enjoy.

How blessed am I to have a glimpse of your sweet lives.

On the eve of Landon's funeral services, I want to acknowledge that thanks to Tami and Shan their children's lives, that aren't long enough, have made impacts on others. These children have a legacy- they have touched others. They matter.

I had never heard of Leigh's Disease before reading Landon and Marie's stories. Raising awareness about Leigh's Disease is another way we can carry on a legacy for these children.
http://www.umdf.org/

To Tami and Shan, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being so brave, so honest, so faithful. Thank you for allowing me to know you (even if just through the computer). God Bless.