on the back of the card...

Funny how mommies work so hard for everyone else... often times putting themselves, their needs dead last. If we don't take care of ourselves how can we take care of our family? When I first got married an older woman whom our family has known for years gave me the best advice, although I didn't realize then, funny how that happens. She pulled me aside at my bridal shower and asked me, "Holly write down who comes first, second, third, etc... God, spouse, children, self?" She handed me a small index card (which I have still). I wrote..
1. God (DUH!)
2.Children
3.Spouce
4.Self
We are so often taught to deny self.. I thought I had this right on. I thought she would so proud of my answer and I was proud because I really meant what I had written.
She flipped the index card over to reveal what she felt the answer was and it said.
1.God
2.Self
3.Spouce
4.Children
At first I didn't like this. I didn't like thinking I was wrong. I didn't like thinking I had to put myself second, I thought I should take care of everyone else. I didn't like thinking to put my spouce before my children, children should be the first priority right!? I am sure she could see my confusion. There standing in her kitchen, in the middle of my bridal shower, she gave me some of the best advice I have ever been given, I will never forget it and I will be honored to share this with my children someday.
I must say this old lady was onto something. She explained her answer to me, something like this...
God first - (was never an issue... I knew that answer.) Usually hard to do, but I knew the answer. She said, So often it is easier to let God be last. Patient and forgiving it is easy to let Him sit behind everyone knowing He is there, without giving much thought to putting Him in the front. But we know where He should be.. it's putting Him there that is the hard part.
Me second?? - If we don't put ourselves right behind God we cannot take care of the ones we love. Our health, Our spirituality, Our emotional wellbeing... if I am a sick, weak, broken person I cannot be the solid foundation that I need to be for my family. As mothers of little ones, older ones, any ones- husbands included in the ones (sometimes when Tony comes home from work I feel it is like adding another kid to the bunch). It is so easy to put ourselves last- easy; until we are so worn that we cannot take care of everything and everyone and it all just falls apart. Wives and Mothers are the foundation in their homes, you must have a strong foundation.
Our spouce third- Tony should come before our children? I didn't like this either. I thought my children should come before him and before me... but looking at this again, it seems right. If you and Tony aren't nuturing your relationship it makes it hard to be a strong unit as parents to your children. Your future children need you to put yourself and Tony before them so that you can better care for them. Makes sense now.
Children fourth? Once I understood why she said God, myself, and Tony had to be before them... I understood why they were fourth. She said, "Now you know why they are fourth." She gave me a hug and told me to keep the card.
I still struggle with this order, I keep this card in my nightstand. Often times my order looks like, Children, God, Tony, Me. I have found we are all happiest if my order is the same as that 'old lady', the same as what was written on the back of the card. Thank you 'old lady' for sharing your wisdom. :)

What's your order? You don't have to share unless you'd like.. but it is something to think about.