Just Be

Sitting in the sunlight outside. Troy is napping and Sophia is inside watching Dragon Tales in my bed. I couldn't get her to take a nap today so that quiet time will have to do for today. She went to her new neurologist today, she's pretty wound up about that. That's probably why she didn't nap today. We drove down to Orlando just Sophia and I. She cried on the way there begging me to turn around and go home. She asked me if she could listen to her "musicick", she loves the Casting Crowns CD that I keep in my car. Funny that she asks to listen to it every time we are going to a neurology appointment. It must bring her comfort. My grandmother came over and kept Troy. It's too much having both of them in the room and trying to speak with the doctor. It is hard enough with Sophia, who gets nervous and talks a million miles a minute and interrupts every other word, much less adding Troy in the mix. Thank God for family at times like this, and the friends who so kindly offered to keep him, thanks Katie and Doreen. It is never fun to drive this drive, but I was comforted to know he was happy and safe spending some quality time with his GREAT grandma, the kids call her "GiGi". She is a God-send to our family, I don't know what I'd do without her, always there to tie up the loose ends when we need her.

I have a throbbing headache and am torn as to what path to take with treatment for my sweet girl . The new doctor was great. I agreed with most of what she said and loved that she was hopeful at the possibility of having Sophia off an everyday type of seizure medication. There were some things I was hesitant about, tests and such that she felt were necessary, but I know this is part of our course with our sweet girl. Tony says we owe it to Sophia to see what is really going on in that head of hers so I think we are going to continue with this doctor's plans and pray faithfully that questions will be answered.

It is so difficult to know what is the right thing to do. I know it's not, but there are days I feel it is all on my shoulders, why can't the plan for treatment be in a book laid out for us, why does it have to be so vague? The brain is a complex thing I guess. God made it wonderfully complex.

I imagine, not having her on seizure medication though? I wonder what ways things would be different? Would she have so many mood swings? Would she complain of her tummy hurting as much? Would she have more absence seizures? Would she be happier? Could she be any happier? The positive and the negative waying heavy on my heart right now. The questions are flooding my mind.

It feels good to be. Just be. Outside feeling the sun on my denim jeans, the slight breeze that comes every few seconds only lasting moments, the neighbors dog barking in the background, someone mowing their grass, an airplane over head, breathing the warm air and feeling it fill my lungs. Take a moment and just be.

I am going to meditate and pray for God's will....

Thanks for being here, reading, and praying... I'll update more later.